Cut to the incredulous and slightly disgusted looks on the hockey mom's faces.
One of the moms was all, "Who is Paul Giamatti?" so someone pulled up his picture on her phone. They all laughed! "Really, Jenny? What is it about him that you find attractive?" one of them asked me.
Listen, in her defense, this was the picture they were gawking at:
|Your new drivers license should arrive in 4-6 weeks, Mr. Giamatti.|
NOT THE BEST PICTURE, LADIES.
Then one of them started giggling. "Oh Jenny. I think I see why there's an attraction..." she looked at me, then put two of her fingers over Paul's face, so only his eyes and the bridge of his nose were showing.
"He looks like your ex-husband. Like, he could be his brother!"
GASP. Oh the horror. I felt something in me shrivel, because she was right. There is a resemblance. Before the creepy stare of my ex-husband's doppleganger could put a damper on the hot coals of love, I swiped the screen of the phone and pulled up a much better image of my pretend lover:
|The heart wants what it wants.|
AGAIN WITH THE GIGGLING. Now, a different hockey mom put two of her fingers on Paul's face, this time covering his eyes and the top of his nose. She presented me with Paul Giamatti's mouth and chin, and said, "Tell me that this part doesn't look a lot like your ex."
Dammit. They're both kind of right. I curse the middle-aged man goatee. It makes them all look kind of alike, no? So I'm going to have to watch John Adams again, because I can't picture my ex-husband in a colonial wig. And Paul doesn't have a goatee in it.
|God help me, this floats my boat. Say something constitutional, baby.|
So all of this Paul Giamatti stuff got me thinking about Oddball Crushes. The last time I discussed the Oddballs here, we had a rollicking good time in the comments...and I was comforted to know that I'm not the only one who finds unconventional looks attractive.
I've added to my repertoire of oddballs. This might be a sign of declining mental faculties or it may just mean I need to get out more, but here are a few more additions:
Rest In Peace, Uncle Phil:
James Avery was a very attractive man, but what makes this one an oddball (and now, a posthumous) crush is that while every other girl in America watching Fresh Prince was ogling Will Smith, I was probably one of the only 20-somethings thinking to myself "Hmmm...Uncle Phil sure is a tall, thick-thighed drink of water."
Luis Guzman. The portly Puerto Rican character actor who has been in pretty much every single movie ever made, including Boogie Nights, Scarface and the absolutely riveting (/sarcasm) Journey to the Center of the Earth: Part 2.
What is is about this oddball crush? I don't know. I do know that I want to snuggle with him, run my fingers along his formidable brow and call him My Sweet Papi.
And I'll close with my oddball girl crush:
|Remember what I said about finding someone to dance to Flo Rida's "Low" with me?|
Lea "Big Boo" DeLaria from many many things, including the fabulous "Orange is the New Black" on Netflix. Why? She is hilarious, for one thing. Here's an interview with her, where she had my heart with "making batik with my menstrual blood" (sorry for my readers on cell phones, for some reason the videos don't show up):
I love her! And I'm giddy with anticipation for Season 2 of Orange. I finally finished the book, and I'll give you my mini-review: it's aiight. For the first time, I think I like the show/movie better.
And that wraps up this session of Oddball Crushes. I'm home with what I'm praying isn't the flu today...please chime in with your own oddball crushes so I have some fresh meat to look up on IMDB.
Achoo, and adios for now.